its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
