once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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