I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
