Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
