so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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