How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
