A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
