Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
