Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Bring me that man meat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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