you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
