Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it glows. i had to have it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Let's get the cat blown out
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
