Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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