My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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