Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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