Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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