I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
