Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
