Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
