He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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