we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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