I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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