just tell him i said nine months
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
