This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
