I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
