Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize