I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My breasts were aching with rage.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
