saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
