between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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