sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
