the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
