Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
