Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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