Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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