I cockslap morals
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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