I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
