we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
