also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize