Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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