At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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