If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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