the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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