We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
