look no pants
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
