Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
