i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
