I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He better not be in your backpack
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
