the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
