Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
