He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
