ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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