I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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