I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
