thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
