do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
