Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize