you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
