Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
