I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
