I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i think i just naturally attract stoners
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
