i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
