I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
