She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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