David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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