I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize