Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize