Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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